What happens when you come out?

Are you still in the closet and wondering what happens when you come out?

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I actually never officially came out to my family, I kinda fell out of it after my aunt threw a fit and disclosed it to my mother who then went on to quote scripture to me and all that… Okay, let’s go back a bit, about a month prior my girlfriend came to my family home and proposed to me, after that I was so happy that I shared it with the people who mattered.

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I wager my aunt stalks my social media and after a fight, she and I had where she lost she decided to retaliate by outing me to my mother who has no problem sharing her thoughts about how she doesn’t agree or understand or bla bla bla.

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In the end, I never really had to come out to anyone which is a great relief because I never intended to anyway. I shall sidebar here real quick by saying that how you come out doesn’t matter because once you are out, you’re out and that’s all that matters.

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After the retaliation, my family bathed me in homophobia and disapproval despite me being perfect in almost every way, they showed me their ugly homophobic colors which to date I remain grateful to have seen.

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I’m aware that homophobia can go horribly wrong and that it can even end in death [which is also fine because all men must die!] but when it doesn’t take that route it is a great teaching/learning tool. You will never know what you are made of if you are never tested, you will only live on imagining and hypothesizing about your strength.

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For a month and change, all they did was talk trash about the LGBTQ community, anything they thought they could say that was negative they threw it at the community.

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For a month straight I didn’t come up for air from the homophobia and it was that same time that my fiancé was also throwing a fit about how I had grown distant but how could I not? However, despite swimming in those toxic waters, I remained obdurate, I did not drown.

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At the time my school was in session and for those of you who have gone through undergrad you know just how stressful and demanding it is on top of that I had just gotten an opportunity to intern so I was juggling a lot in this toxic environment and a nagging fiancé to boot.

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I decided that I wouldn’t drop any balls, I decided that I would keep moving, tenaciously, relentlessly, I would keep moving no matter how bad I felt, no matter how disgusted I was, I would wake up and do what I needed to do, shower, sleep and repeat and that’s how it was for the better part of two months.

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I refused to yield. I still refuse to yield to a world that is still for the most part homophobic, I will not yield and I will not drown.

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The first thing that was confirmed to me throughout their homophobic comments was my OBDURATE nature. I thank God he didn’t make me a wimp, for that, I am eternally grateful. Those months of bullying also taught me devotion.

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I had never before had a partner I would have stood by through thick and thin with/for especially when I am going through the pains all alone cause of corona, uh, for those of you wondering why I don’t live with my fiancé I don’t believe in cohabitation before marriage and this is Africa we typically live in the family home until we get a steady job or get married.

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Anyway back to the lessons, the second thing it taught me was determination, that I’m capable of weathering the storm which was especially harsh because these are the people who are supposed to love and accept me no matter what, lol the irony!!!

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It also made my skin thicker. Much thicker, lol I always believed myself to be a dragon, and as such, they have thick skins do they not? There is no way hard lessons can be learned in a soft way so I took that lesson like a warrior and I am better, smarter, tougher, and stronger because of it.

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Because it confirmed to me the thing that I already knew which is that people’s opinions of you are their business. You only get hurt when you make it your business what people think but you shouldn’t. Mind your business, keep your eye on the price, that’s all you need to do.

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As for me, the price is one loving and devoted fiancé who I love, with all my heart and soul, I really don’t need much else.

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